ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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