He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
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