You smell like a Billy Joel song
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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