Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
