I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
