I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
