Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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