yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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