I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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