people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
