he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize