Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
