You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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