I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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