stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
