2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
