I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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