Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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