Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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