two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
