So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
