i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
