I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
