dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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