When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
