I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
