Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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