You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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