Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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