So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
