dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
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