Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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