What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
