i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
