How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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