In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
