i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
