my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
