I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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