Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
