I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
