you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I had to cum in my sink.
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