Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
