We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Never underestimate the power of titties
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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