we have pet lesbian snakes
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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