awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Drunk is a universal language darling
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
