problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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