eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize