she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
