he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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