You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
