I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
