Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
