i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my being single is dangerous.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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