Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize