i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize