Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
