I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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