I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
