what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Randomize
