He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
