i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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