now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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