Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
