Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
