My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
