Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
