the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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