3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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