look no pants
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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