just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
