Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
