Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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